first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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