so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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