i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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