Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
