i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
