I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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