Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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