dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
