Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
