Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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