Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
