My nipple is on Facebook.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
