so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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