Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
