i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
