At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
