Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
