Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
