What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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