Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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