Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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