ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
