he wants to bone in the snuggie
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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