The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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