You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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