the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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