My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I looked at my own cervix.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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