you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
