I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
