I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
