I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
