he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
