I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
