I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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