apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
