i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
