If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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