If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just took my morning after pill in the library
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
