My friends, they love my intelligence
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
well you can't waste a boner
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
