I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
