my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
