Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
