very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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