just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
