I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
