I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
