i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
