she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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