those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I AM VODKA MAN
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
