"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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