hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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