escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
