I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
