All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
then he tried to convert me to islam
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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