I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
