how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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