I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
