I hate all girls vehemently.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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