used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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