never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
