i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
