The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
