sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
