Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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