if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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