Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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