he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I seem to have left my pride at pride
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
