Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize