Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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