Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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